And even if your whisper eats my ear...

Lately I've been having these horrible dreams. Ones where Camden goes missing, Dennis leaves me, I get in a really bad car accident, someone tries breaking into my house and killing me, or my friends start hating me for stupid reasons... I woke up the night when Cam went missing freaking out and checking up on her to make sure she was still there and that she was ok. And every single dream has had people in it that I know and haven't talked to in awhile... It's so strange.

D's birthday is coming up soon. Too bad he won't be home for it :(. Oh well, we'll celebrate when he gets home...

Other than that, the g-ma leaves in a few short days. I'm looking forward to having my house back but not looking forward to not having anyone around for those 10am wakeups when all I really want is 2 more hours of sleep... We'll see how this all goes.

My 7 hour night

Camden slept a whopping 7 hours last night! I'm so excited about that. I actually woke up 10 minutes before her. I definitely felt amazing after that since the night before that was a bad one where she was awake every 3 hours.

I've also started my workouts- yaay! I am excited to get all of that going again and getting on the right track of fixing my midsection... I'm also trying to eat more, but healthier. Right now it's hard because I haven't been grocery shopping yet...

Well, since Camden is asleep now and it's not even midnight yet, I'm going to try to get some rest!

One of "those" days.

I have FINALLY gotten a workout in today! I only got about 30 minutes of it completed out of 45 though before Camden woke up, but heck, I still broke a sweat and got tired!

I don't know what it is about today but everything and anything is annoying me. I'm so tired and I'm super cranky. I feel like I could sleep more. I probably should have but when Camden woke up at 11am this morning, I felt bad about going back to sleep. I hope she actually goes to sleep at a decent time tonight... We might just skip the bath all together.

Today I went outside with Roxy to play in the snow. We still have a decent amount on the ground. It's like 4-6in! So I threw snowballs at her and she loved it. She actually got ahold of one of my gloves and ran away with it. Crazy dog...

I have finally caught up with my laundry! The rest of my house is finally going back to normal. I'm getting a little frustrated though because it seems like I'm the only one around here that cares about being neat and clean. You can imagine how frustrating this is coming from someone that has a problem with anxiety and OCD...

I told the hubby tonight that we seriously need a date night as soon as he gets home. I'm getting annoyed with the house and being cramped in it all day, every day.

Sorry if my spelling is bad or words don't make sense. Most of these posts have been done with one hand and a half asleep brain X) haha. I think I'm going to go find something to eat and chill out on the couch. Until tomorrow...

Attempt number 2= FAIL.

I'm on attempt number 2 of putting Camden down for the night and I have failed. Yes, I said it, I failed. It seems she can't sleep unless someone is holding her. I must break her of this habit or I will go crazy!!!!! I'm already sleeping with her from about 7am until whenever she needs to be up which is somewhere between 10am and 11am.

Since the computer is set up in the nursery, she is now laying in her crib and watching her mobile. Thank God for mobiles! She loves that thing.

Well, I have yet to work out today! I know, I know, bad Caitlyn! But we were snowed in today. 6-8in! Holy cow! You know what that means? I shoveled the sidewalk alllll by myself :) yay me. I also threw snow at Roxy. She loved it. Since we're liable for anyone that falls in front of our house if we don't shovel and put salt down, that's what I had to do at 4:30 today. It was cold by the way...

A friend sent me a youtube video of a cardio work out that I'm going to check out as soon as I can get this little munchkin to bed. Or I might just pass since it's now 11:30 and I too need rest. I was good about eating today though! Kinda... I had an apple instead of these cool little cheesecake cupcakes that the g-ma in law made. And I ate a chicken pattie and some asparagus instead of a frozen dinner. Go me! I'm also trying to drink a lot more water. Hopefully this will help with my milk supply and I can actually store some!

I decided that the hubby and I need a date night. This is a serious matter.

Uh-oh the mobile stoped!

30lbs down...

So I SWEAR that tomorrow (or maybe tonight if I'm not too tired) I am going to start working out! I keep saying that I want to go to the gym and I might as well now while I have someone at my house to watch Camden for me. I have lost almost 30lbs now. I started at 130 and finished at 168. I had my 6 weeks pp appointment today and I'm not 143!! YAAY! I'm not going to lie, I was really crossing my fingers that the number would be lower but heck, that's pretty awesome too! 13 more pounds to go until I'm back to my pre-preggy weight (and then I'll have 10-15 to go until I'm at the weight I want to be at- I think I can do it). So! TOMORROW!!!

In other news... At my pp appointment, Camden went with me. My midwife took Cam as soon as I walked through the door. Haha she cracks me up. Best midwife ever! Well she took her from me and walked her around the whole office and showed her off to all her co-workers- it was cute :). She also offered to be a babysitter! WOO! The hubby and I will definitely take her up on that offer.

Until tomorrow! :)

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So here we are again, another day, another night. Tomorrow Cam will be 7 weeks and I have my postpartum checkup! Dennis left today for a week- the first time since I was 36 weeks pregnant. I'm not excited about it in the least, but it's his job and I accept that. I'm actually kind of jealous of him right now, he gets to go away and get a full nights rest for a whole week!

Today I decided to put Cam in her crib for a nap. She only slept for about half an hour. But instead of picking her up and feeding her- which is what I normally do- I decided to just turn her mobile on. She was so cute! She really loves that mobile...

In other news she finally had her big blow out!! Since Tuesday when we took her to the ER because she hadn't pooped since Friday (yikes!) but everything was ok. Well, even though mommy was happy that baby pooped, she was not so thrilled to have to change THAT diaper! Haha.

Roxy also got a bath today- FINALLY. Roxy is our wonderful, playful, loving 1 year old black lab. She has been in desperate need of a bath and today she actually jumped in the shower with me. Now she is all silky and smooth and smells wonderful! Yaay :)

So I'm going to start where I left off last night...

Well, after Camden was born of course everyone was so excited about her. She was gorgeous and perfect in every way! My bestfriend here was there (even if she was behind the curtain! haha) and she was the one that took the pictures and then Dennis had to go get his grandma while I waited for the epi to wear off. And then one of Dennis' work buddies came up to see us as well. I think that's everyone from the first night. From then on I really didn't get any visitors. We were only there until Sunday afternoon even though they told us that we would be staying until Monday afternoon. But Camden was latching perfectly, I was doing great and didn't seem too overwhelmed, and ofcourse she was gaining weight like a good baby should :). She weighed 6lbs 9oz at her 4 day old appointment! She was doing so well in fact that the doctor thought she was doing her 2 week well baby instead of her first one.

I can't really tell you how those first few weeks went. They're all a mess of sleepless nights and days where I slept in until 2 or 3. Dennis was wonderful. He did most of the cooking and cleaning (as in the laundry and the dishes when we ran out haha) while I nursed and took care of the baby.

Well that's all gor tonight... It's way too hard to type with one hand!

How this all came about

I'm not sure where to start this blog... But I know I started it to keep me occupied with my baby during those 4am feedings. My daughter is almost 7 weeks old now and the apple of my eye. Let's start from the day that she was born...

Well it all started at 3:30am on November 20, 2009. I woke up feeling like I wet my pants which had to be one of the strangest feelings ever. I layed there thinking "well, maybe I just had to go more than I thought." and I got up and went to the bathroom. I returned back to bed as quietly as possible because my hubby, Dennis, had to wake up in an hour and a half to do a long drive to Mannheim. He wasn't taking the bus because at this point I was 39 weeks pregnant and ready to pop at any time. I rolled over and felt the same feeling again- oh no did I just seriously pee my pants again!? I tapped Dennis lightly on the shoulder until he woke up and said "I don't think you'll be going to Mannheim today, baby." He turned over and groggly replied "why not?" and I said "I think my water broke." Instantly he was awake asking what I wanted to do and what he should do, etc. etc. etc. I replied with "I think I just want to try to get some more sleep and if I'm still wet when I wake up then I know that it was my water."

I rolled back over and layed down ready to fall back asleep. I hadn't gotten much sleep lately because I had too many things going on. I first had to get the "new" car registered because Camden was due any day and all we had was a single cab truck- yeah not so family friendly! And this took atleast 3 days of getting up at an ungodly hour- 7am! HA! And then on the 4th day (that Thursday) we had to drive to Frankfurt to pick up Dennis' grandmother from the airport. She was flying in to help us out with the new baby. The night before, Wednesday, we had done our maternity photos which took us until 10pm to finish- yikes! We didn't make it home until 11pm and had to wake up at 4am Thursday to make it in time for grandma's flight.

Needless to say I didn't get much sleep Thursday night but I had taken a nap (even if I could have slept longer, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be up until 3am! Haha how ironic...) but I was still a little tired. I didn't make it to bed until midnight. Looking back now, I really wish I had slept and napped a little more! I haven't had a full nights rest in about 2 months.

Back to the story! When I rolled back over, not 5 minutes later I felt a sudden gush. I jumped out of bed hoping I didn't get it on the mattress and starting saying "oh my god, oh my god! Dennis wake up, MY WATER BROKE!" Dennis jumped out of bed like it was on fire. He looked at me and I looked at him and kept saying "omg omg omg it's still coming! What do I do!?" He laughed at me and told me to go to the bathroom. I was frantic and didn't want to get anything on the carpets so I just stood at the door way doing the pee dance and wondering if I could run without getting anything on the carpet. Looking back now, I kind of wish I could see myself...

Well, we didn't go to the hospital until I was completely ready to go. I took a shower, ate something, or maybe 2 things..., called my mom, texted my closest friend here, and updated my facebook (haha yes I was THAT mom!), and of course I called labor and delivery to tell them that I thought my water broke and that I would be waiting at home until I felt like I absolutely HAD to go in. Around 6:30am is when we finally left for the hospital because I knew if I hadn't made any progress by 9:30am I would have to start on pitocen. I wasn't having any contractions at all and I was holding off until I felt like I should go in.

When I got to the hospital they signed me in, took me to a room and started checking me out and seeing if my water actually broke. Cha-ching the little paper they tested on turned dark blue instantly, I was staying there and not going home without a baby! Woo!

Unfortunately I was still sitting at 3cm which is where I was on Tuesday at my last appointment. Total bummer. I had an IV put in and then was told to walk around and see if we could get things moving. I can tell you about all the funny looks I was getting from the people at the hospital at 8am in the morning walking around in a hospital gown and flipflips at the end of November in Germany! HA! And when someone asked and I told them my water broke their instant reply would be "are you sure you should be walking around right now!?"

9:30am came and still no progress- wonderful. Pitocen was started shortly after. During the day while I waited for things to start happening I was able to finally sleep (yaaay), watch a movie (which I had too many people coming in and out to actually understand what happened and I also fell asleep), and have pictures taken (yes I said pictures). Around 4pm is when I actually started yelling for the epidural. I got to 6cm before I finally got it. I was really really really trying to go all natural but didn't realize how much it would hurt! Oh well, I would much rather remember this day as a good one than a day that was completely miserable! Dennis tells me that he thought I was going to bite him when they were giving it to me.

When I finally got the epidural I was able to fall back asleep which is what I really needed. I didn't wake back up really until I was ready to push. I do kind of remember the 2 nurses coming in to flip me on my side several times because Camden's heartrate would fall though.

Around 6:30pm is when I finally woke back up. I remember just feeling this strong pressure like I had to use the bathroom. I had called my nurse back in because laying on my one side was starting to bother me and thinking back on it now it really shouldn't have because I was numb. But I guess that's how the epidural works, once it starts wearing off is when you are ready to start pushing! I looked up at my nurse and told her I had the strong urge to use the bathroom and she looked at the monitor and told me to hold on while she went to get my midwife because I wasn't having a contraction! I instantly freaked out because I just wasn't ready to do this, I just wasn't ready for a new baby, I didn't even know how to change a diaper!! I remember looking at Dennis and crying about how scared I was.

My midwife came in and said they were going to check me and see if we needed to do a practice push. Well what do you know, I was 100% effaced and Camden was -2 (-3 is when she's out!). I did a practice push and it was finally time!!! I pushed for 40 minutes and Camden Jade was born at 7:08pm! I even pulled her out myself, Dennis watched the whole thing and he cut the chord! No tears or rips or anything- perfect as can be. Camden was 6lbs 11oz and 19 1/2 in long, a absolutely perfect little baby with hardly any cone head :).

I remember just looking down at her and being in complete shock at what had just happened. It took me awhile to even say anything. I was completely in love with her. I knew that no matter what she did, I would always feel this way.


Well, it's now 11pm here, Camden is FINALLY sleeping (yaay) so I guess I should follow her lead. Until tomorrow!