These past few days have been really rough on me. Well, the past week really. I'm ate up with jealousy and I'm having a hard time sleeping and my heart feels heavy and I have no appetite. Saturday and Sunday were by far the worst days of this deployment. It's hard to be in an argument with a loved one when they are so far away. Especially when there is limited communication.
Well, I don't really have any sort of solution for anyone on what to do in these sort of situations. I really don't want to put my business out there so finding someone to talk to about it other than your other half is really hard. I've talked more about what's going on with three of my friends here and every single one of them has gone through the same things we're going through now. Sometimes you just need to talk.
I talked to Dennis about everything that was bothering me yesterday. Waiting for a phone call that you're not sure if you'll even receive sucks. You don't want to sit at home but you don't want to leave just in case they do call. And when they do call, what do you say?
I know marriage isn't a forever kind of thing. I know that things change. I also know that there are boundaries that should never ever be crossed and both parties need to know the extent of those boundaries. Marriage is as complicated as you make it. And choose your words wisely.
I almost wish that we could go back to the old days where people were matched to benefit the family. That would make things a million times easier. But now people want to have freedom of everything so they want to marry out of love and because, well damn it, because they want to!
Marriage makes you realize that you can't just run away when you want to. You have to face your problems when they arise.
What do you think about marriage now versus marriage, lets say, 50 years ago?
Come with me, let me walk you through the life I currently live in.
Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven.
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but, nobody can take the blame of their own mistakes.
So what do you do when somebody lets you down?
And you want to say something but you can't because they're not around?
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain.
But they won't even admit that they were the one to blame.
Can somebody please just explain to me what happened to the way that we said we'd always be.
Because I don't know why I push through the pain that I got through. And I'm loosing hope.
I've definitely had my moments since Si and I got married where I was like "What did I do!? This was a mistake." But we've pushed past those things and life does get better again. You just have to remember all the good things about why you married him.
ReplyDeleteI think there was more support for marriage 50 years ago. People just didn't get divorced so the people you knew wanted to help you make it work. So few people stay married these days so there are fewer people to ask advice from.
It's hard to make a marriage work when your parents and half you friends' parents are divorced. Where are we supposed to learn how to make it work?
Eh hem... Um... hi! I'm ashamed to admit this, but I'm on my 2nd marriage... and I'm only 21. Talk about mistakes! With my first, we were married less than 2 months before we decided to get divorced! And I've definitely been through the whole deployment thing too. Two times with Zach and my ex was deployed when we got divorced (now that's quite an argument to have during a deployment). Zach and I have DEFINITELY had our ups and downs throughout our relationship though. ESPECIALLY when he was deployed!
ReplyDeleteI don't exactly want to throw my past out in the open, but I know how you feel on the whole argument situation... big time. It seems like we were constantly fighting while he was deployed. And you're 100% right. Yes, being in an argument with someone you love who is so far away is hard. And limited communication makes it that much harder!
If you need someone to just vent to, I'm pretty darn good at listening (if I might say so myself)! Vent away! You know where to find me...
It's definitely hard when you have a very messed up view of marriage! Ugh! But we live and we learn! Right?...
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