I can't believe how crazy today has been! I had to do all of my job stuff and do a bunch of paperwork. It basically consisted of standing in long lines just to do something that took literally 5 minutes. 6 lines and I was there from 9:30-1. Ridiculous.
And the worst part? I don't think I can take the job. Because I would have to wean Camden in a little over a week. And this kid is determined to nurse until she's 2. She used to take a bottle up until about 3 months which was when we got home from St. Louis the first time. Then after that I was more comfortable with nursing in public which means I never brought a bottle. That was a huge mistake. I tried to give her a small bottle today and she was literally screaming for 20 minutes almost making herself sick.
So, when we go on leave we'll be weaning. Because if we don't wean now, I don't think we'll ever get it done before Dennis gets home. And by that time Camden will be 18 months. While I'm all for extended breast feeding, I think I would love Camden more if I could get a few hours to myself.
I'm a believer in karma and if it's supposed to happen it will. Well with that being said, I know I got this job and it kind of just fell into my lap so I'm sure that I'll find another job when the time is right. The time just isn't right for now. Plus I'm trying to get back into college and I know I wouldn't have been able to juggle everything. College > job.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
I need to find God or something.
I'm having a hard time right now trying to breathe throw what's going to happen in the next year. I know I shouldn't worry about it and just to take it one day at a time but it's reaaaaaallllllly hard looking at it that way. I just want to scream and throw a fit but I know that's not going to help me with anything.
I'm frustrated with my family. My family back home in the states that is. Mostly because I believe everyone deserves happiness and if that means that people need to seperate to find that happiness- please, by all means, DO IT. But at the same time, I'm having a hard time accepting some of the things that are happening. As most of you know, my parents are divorced. A recent divorce. Which means everyone around them somehow, somewhere, has hurt feelings about this. Mostly it's close relatives or my siblings.
Up until recently I have been utterly ecstatic for my parents. In my opinion, this probably should have happened 10 years ago. It's not my story to tell so I won't go into details. Well, like I was saying, none of this bothered me until recently. And it probably bothers me so much now because I'm already stressed out with things going on here that all I needed to send me over the edge was family drama back home. And it's not even drama! I wanted my parents to find happiness. And my dad has. My mom is still struggling with finding who she is. Considering she has been a stay at home mom for almost 22 years now. But it's hard seeing one parent happy and the other not so happy. I don't know how else to explain it...
Ugh, I'm too pissed off right now to even say anything else.
I'm frustrated with my family. My family back home in the states that is. Mostly because I believe everyone deserves happiness and if that means that people need to seperate to find that happiness- please, by all means, DO IT. But at the same time, I'm having a hard time accepting some of the things that are happening. As most of you know, my parents are divorced. A recent divorce. Which means everyone around them somehow, somewhere, has hurt feelings about this. Mostly it's close relatives or my siblings.
Up until recently I have been utterly ecstatic for my parents. In my opinion, this probably should have happened 10 years ago. It's not my story to tell so I won't go into details. Well, like I was saying, none of this bothered me until recently. And it probably bothers me so much now because I'm already stressed out with things going on here that all I needed to send me over the edge was family drama back home. And it's not even drama! I wanted my parents to find happiness. And my dad has. My mom is still struggling with finding who she is. Considering she has been a stay at home mom for almost 22 years now. But it's hard seeing one parent happy and the other not so happy. I don't know how else to explain it...
Ugh, I'm too pissed off right now to even say anything else.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Everything is exactly how it seems.
I am starting to realize that one of my old bosses was right about a lot of things. I shall not go further into detail than that. I thought he was wrong, that he was just saying things based on himself and his life experiences. He was not wrong. After understanding this, I have become at peace with it.
So with that being realized, I won't hold anything over anyones head about certain subjects such as relationships and what happens when you're in one. Who cares, really.
I have a lot on my mind lately. I find it hard to talk about sometimes because it ranges in subjects. Everything from being gay to death. I mean, who really wants to talk about such touchy subjects? But then again, I guess it's my blog so why the fuck can't I talk about such things?
I hate people that are so judgemental about certain lifestyles. I was hanging out with family members a few months ago who thing being gay is wrong and that it's a choice. IT'S NOT A CHOICE. I'm sure if they had their way they would fit in with everyone else in the world. But they're not. They were just wired differently. It really gets under my skin because I have friends who are gay. I have had friends who have parents that are gay. It's not like they have a problem with people that are straight! They don't complain about public affection! It really bothers me that gay people don't have the same rights. But that's because I can't tell you how many people I know that have married for the wrong reasons. Many I am close to in fact. People that marry for benefits and money and security. Now gay people? I mean it's such a taboo that only the people that REALLY REALLY want it are going to do it!
Dennis had a conversation about death the other night. Mostly because it has been talked about a lot here lately and has been in the family lately. Blah blah blah. Well, with having to do wills and going through the "what if" briefings, the subject has been pulled up a lot lately. Now, I do not want what I am about to say next be any sort of concern to anyone. Seriously. I just think that peoplet hat die young are "glorified" more than older people. With old people everyone just says the same "they had a long life" versus if you die young. I'm not saying I want to die any time soon. But it seems that way right? Families are torn up about young people dying. The families they left behind. All the "what ifs" that come up. What if this person was here for Christmas, what would they be doing? What if this person was in school right now? What kind of car would they want? What kind of... blah blah blah. You get the point right? Although, I would never in a million years with that upon anyone. Loosing a loved one is hard enough.
Ok, that's enough ranting for one night.
So with that being realized, I won't hold anything over anyones head about certain subjects such as relationships and what happens when you're in one. Who cares, really.
I have a lot on my mind lately. I find it hard to talk about sometimes because it ranges in subjects. Everything from being gay to death. I mean, who really wants to talk about such touchy subjects? But then again, I guess it's my blog so why the fuck can't I talk about such things?
I hate people that are so judgemental about certain lifestyles. I was hanging out with family members a few months ago who thing being gay is wrong and that it's a choice. IT'S NOT A CHOICE. I'm sure if they had their way they would fit in with everyone else in the world. But they're not. They were just wired differently. It really gets under my skin because I have friends who are gay. I have had friends who have parents that are gay. It's not like they have a problem with people that are straight! They don't complain about public affection! It really bothers me that gay people don't have the same rights. But that's because I can't tell you how many people I know that have married for the wrong reasons. Many I am close to in fact. People that marry for benefits and money and security. Now gay people? I mean it's such a taboo that only the people that REALLY REALLY want it are going to do it!
Dennis had a conversation about death the other night. Mostly because it has been talked about a lot here lately and has been in the family lately. Blah blah blah. Well, with having to do wills and going through the "what if" briefings, the subject has been pulled up a lot lately. Now, I do not want what I am about to say next be any sort of concern to anyone. Seriously. I just think that peoplet hat die young are "glorified" more than older people. With old people everyone just says the same "they had a long life" versus if you die young. I'm not saying I want to die any time soon. But it seems that way right? Families are torn up about young people dying. The families they left behind. All the "what ifs" that come up. What if this person was here for Christmas, what would they be doing? What if this person was in school right now? What kind of car would they want? What kind of... blah blah blah. You get the point right? Although, I would never in a million years with that upon anyone. Loosing a loved one is hard enough.
Ok, that's enough ranting for one night.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Oh Camden, why must you grow?
So Camden is 8 1/2 months old now and she's getting bigger and bigger every day. She's crawling, cruising, sitting, clapping, smiling, talking, mocking, oh yeah and her NEWEST thing? She's standing.... BY HERSELF! I could have just died when I saw her stand there for a few seconds. I frantically looked for my camera to see if I could possibly film it. No, it was in my purse, hanging up, IN THE HALLWAY. Which was about 30 feet away from me at the time. I tried to get her to do it again, no cigar. I shall live with the camera in my hand from now on.
While this is happening with Camden, I am starting my own journey. I submitted my paperwork for school, I am now waiting on my FAFSA to be approved. I went to a job interview last week, I am waiting for an email confirming or denying me. I also started going to the gym. Well, that last part has been happening for several weeks now. But I'm making progress. I am thinner, I am happier, I am healthier, I am loosing inches, feeling amazing, etc. I am running faster, longer, harder. I am lifting more weight with more repts. I am rocking it out. At my last WIC appointmen the lady told me that I wasn't eating enough and my weight was a good solid 126. I have been anywhere from 126-130. I am BELOW my pre-prego weight by ATLEAST 3lbs! DUDE. I know, be amazed.
So my solution has been to eat more healthy snacks like nuts (not salted) and dried fruits and such... Protein bars. Whatever I can get my hands on really.
While this is happening with Camden, I am starting my own journey. I submitted my paperwork for school, I am now waiting on my FAFSA to be approved. I went to a job interview last week, I am waiting for an email confirming or denying me. I also started going to the gym. Well, that last part has been happening for several weeks now. But I'm making progress. I am thinner, I am happier, I am healthier, I am loosing inches, feeling amazing, etc. I am running faster, longer, harder. I am lifting more weight with more repts. I am rocking it out. At my last WIC appointmen the lady told me that I wasn't eating enough and my weight was a good solid 126. I have been anywhere from 126-130. I am BELOW my pre-prego weight by ATLEAST 3lbs! DUDE. I know, be amazed.
So my solution has been to eat more healthy snacks like nuts (not salted) and dried fruits and such... Protein bars. Whatever I can get my hands on really.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Things going on...
So I should probably post an update on what is going on lately. Camden is crawling, sitting up, cruising, clapping, and getting into everything. She's also turning into quite the drowling monster child... I'm hoping teeth pop through soon so we can get this all over with. I'm going to miss that gummy smile of hers...
Since we've been back from the states we've been doing a lot more. We've enjoyed festivals and castles and hiking- to put it simply we've been having a blast! Pictures and such from the past 2 months or so...
This is at a medival festival that we went to with some friends. In this picture, my best friend Laura and I are being "captured." After the picture the guys in the costume asked if they could keep us. Haha
This is Laura and I with the blacksmith. He was extremely creepy and gave me a big hug when he saw me. It was awkward...
That, my friends, is Burg Nanstein. The view is from the Hitler Youth Monument. We hiked up there one Saturday morning or something with Dan, Laura, and Ray. Afterwards we went swimming :).
Camden on the 4th of July! Well, actually, 3rd. The 4th was my birthday and this year since it landed on a Sunday and Germans don't do anything on Sunday, they had the fireworks on Saturday! So here she is "tasting" the door.
Happy birthday to me!! Yaay 20!
Enjoying some sun at the castle that is right around the corner. Literally about 6km away. Which is about 3miles.
Laura and I being goofy. You can't tell by this picture but we are standing on rock that was about 6 feet tall. Kinda scary looking down to a nice long drop off... Good thing you can't see my face!!
Ahh yes, speghetti eis and bananasplits! Our treat after our hike to the castle!
and last but not least the pink car. Which had a carseat in the back. Did I mention that I love Germany and all of it's goofy-ness?
Saturday, June 19, 2010
St. Louis is a wonderful place to be
Wow, I really can't keep up with this thing!
Well, we had another family emergency which took us back to St. Louis MO. We were back home for 20 days. In that time frame we went to a funeral, traveled to the east coast, saw a graduation, drove back (17 hours!!!), stayed in STL for a few more days and left. But not before our flight was delayed causing us to miss our connecting flight from DC to Frankfurt. We ended up staying in MO for a day extra. Let me break this down a little further...
So we get some pretty horrible news on D's side of the family. We weren't sure if we were even going to make it home since D was supposed to leave after the 4day weekend. We found this out Thursday morning and we were on a plane Friday morning. But of course not without some issues.
I had plans to go with my good friend to a special dinner. I couldn't cancel on her in such short notice so I still went. We ate, we laughed, we had a good time. That is until about 20 minutes before we left! I got terribly sick and asked if we could leave as soon as possible. I kid you not, as soon as I was in my house and took my clothes off I was in the bathroom throwing up! I came down with food poisoning and was praying that I would be better for our 6am flight the next day. Needless to say I got no sleep that night and if I did it was brief and only in half hour increments. Basically I was sick up until about 2:30am and we left the house at 3am. It was terrible :(
So once we got to STL, we found out that the airport had left our bag (D's and mine) in Chicago!!! So all we had was Camden's clothes and our carry on, which I was smart enough to pack extra clothes in and our toiletry bag. I would normally not do this but since I had been so sick the night before I didn't want to risk puking on myself and not having anything else to wear. Also I was wearing my glasses because I was so tired so I needed my contacts as well. Unfortunately for me, I only packed sweat pants! And when we arrived it was in the high 80s!!! Unfortunately for Dennis, he didn't listen to me about packing extra clothes... Lucky for us, there was another flight coming from Chicago that night! So our bag would be patiently waiting for us at his aunt and uncle's house :).
Camden did great on the plane by the way. But I have noticed that it's easier to travel the younger the child is. Camden was much more restless this time versus 4 months ago. Since she's mobile now all she wants to do is crawl around and check things out. The plane was so crowded and honestly I'm completely grossed out by carpets on planes so she had to deal with sitting in our laps.
The first full day back we went to the zoo. This is not ideal considering I was so sick. I was dehydrated, tired, hot, just plain miserable. But I was able to hold on for 2 hours. I will say that flying does dehydrate you so I was pretty bad off. I'm a little upset that we only got to see a few things and that we weren't able to make it back. If you are ever in St. Louis definitely go to the zoo! And to all the museums of course :). Because a lot of it is free.
After a few days of being back home Camden was officially crawling. She started sitting up by herself Thursday (the day before we left).
What else... Oh yes, we went to North Carolina to see my sister graduate as well! It was wonderful :). We spent a week there. I really didn't do much. Of course I saw some good friends, spent some much needed time with family, and relaxed. Sort of... I was pretty stressed out the whole trip because I had been so sick, the reasons why were there, Camden and jet lag (baby jet lag sucks by the way...), and plenty of other reasons! But I was very happy to show off Camden. And Dennis to the friends and family he hadn't met yet.
Oh and Camden really really really does NOT like the ocean! We went to the beach and she loved the sand and everything but when I tried to take her to the water she just freaked out.
Well other than that... Dennis got another tattoo and I got a massage. We went to the Arch, walked around the museum underneath, took a carriage ride, and had a relatively good time. Of course I was stressed out though...
On the way home the east coast was having some pretty bad weather. Our first flight was delayed on Tuesday so we would end up missing our connecting flight. This was no good since they told us that there wouldn't be another flight for 3 days! We ended up staying in St. Louis for an extra day. We ended up going to Charlotte instead and they also had bad weather! But atleast we had a flight! We sat in the plane for 2 hours waiting on the weather to clear up. 2 HOURS. I had the tallest man in the world sitting in front of me so I had no space. It was bad.
But all in all, we're home, we're happy, we're jet lagged!
Well, we had another family emergency which took us back to St. Louis MO. We were back home for 20 days. In that time frame we went to a funeral, traveled to the east coast, saw a graduation, drove back (17 hours!!!), stayed in STL for a few more days and left. But not before our flight was delayed causing us to miss our connecting flight from DC to Frankfurt. We ended up staying in MO for a day extra. Let me break this down a little further...
So we get some pretty horrible news on D's side of the family. We weren't sure if we were even going to make it home since D was supposed to leave after the 4day weekend. We found this out Thursday morning and we were on a plane Friday morning. But of course not without some issues.
I had plans to go with my good friend to a special dinner. I couldn't cancel on her in such short notice so I still went. We ate, we laughed, we had a good time. That is until about 20 minutes before we left! I got terribly sick and asked if we could leave as soon as possible. I kid you not, as soon as I was in my house and took my clothes off I was in the bathroom throwing up! I came down with food poisoning and was praying that I would be better for our 6am flight the next day. Needless to say I got no sleep that night and if I did it was brief and only in half hour increments. Basically I was sick up until about 2:30am and we left the house at 3am. It was terrible :(
So once we got to STL, we found out that the airport had left our bag (D's and mine) in Chicago!!! So all we had was Camden's clothes and our carry on, which I was smart enough to pack extra clothes in and our toiletry bag. I would normally not do this but since I had been so sick the night before I didn't want to risk puking on myself and not having anything else to wear. Also I was wearing my glasses because I was so tired so I needed my contacts as well. Unfortunately for me, I only packed sweat pants! And when we arrived it was in the high 80s!!! Unfortunately for Dennis, he didn't listen to me about packing extra clothes... Lucky for us, there was another flight coming from Chicago that night! So our bag would be patiently waiting for us at his aunt and uncle's house :).
Camden did great on the plane by the way. But I have noticed that it's easier to travel the younger the child is. Camden was much more restless this time versus 4 months ago. Since she's mobile now all she wants to do is crawl around and check things out. The plane was so crowded and honestly I'm completely grossed out by carpets on planes so she had to deal with sitting in our laps.
The first full day back we went to the zoo. This is not ideal considering I was so sick. I was dehydrated, tired, hot, just plain miserable. But I was able to hold on for 2 hours. I will say that flying does dehydrate you so I was pretty bad off. I'm a little upset that we only got to see a few things and that we weren't able to make it back. If you are ever in St. Louis definitely go to the zoo! And to all the museums of course :). Because a lot of it is free.
After a few days of being back home Camden was officially crawling. She started sitting up by herself Thursday (the day before we left).
What else... Oh yes, we went to North Carolina to see my sister graduate as well! It was wonderful :). We spent a week there. I really didn't do much. Of course I saw some good friends, spent some much needed time with family, and relaxed. Sort of... I was pretty stressed out the whole trip because I had been so sick, the reasons why were there, Camden and jet lag (baby jet lag sucks by the way...), and plenty of other reasons! But I was very happy to show off Camden. And Dennis to the friends and family he hadn't met yet.
Oh and Camden really really really does NOT like the ocean! We went to the beach and she loved the sand and everything but when I tried to take her to the water she just freaked out.
Well other than that... Dennis got another tattoo and I got a massage. We went to the Arch, walked around the museum underneath, took a carriage ride, and had a relatively good time. Of course I was stressed out though...
On the way home the east coast was having some pretty bad weather. Our first flight was delayed on Tuesday so we would end up missing our connecting flight. This was no good since they told us that there wouldn't be another flight for 3 days! We ended up staying in St. Louis for an extra day. We ended up going to Charlotte instead and they also had bad weather! But atleast we had a flight! We sat in the plane for 2 hours waiting on the weather to clear up. 2 HOURS. I had the tallest man in the world sitting in front of me so I had no space. It was bad.
But all in all, we're home, we're happy, we're jet lagged!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Goodness!
Goodness it's been way too long! My computer was down for awhile so it was hard to do any posting. Oops!
I never made that cake btw... I need to though!
Camden is officially 6 months old as of 3 days ago. Poor baby started teething that same day. She slept for most of the morning and afternoon, slobbered on everything, and screamed the entire time she was awake. The next day she got her shots which just added to the problems. Then we took her to the pool the next day (yesterday) and she didn't enjoy it too much. I think it was the combination of the shots and teething that did her in. She ended up falling asleep after 15-20 minutes in the water. Of course that was AFTER I nursed her...
Other than that, she is now mobile which has to be the scariest thing ever. She gets into everything. Yes I am a bad mom and no I haven't baby proofed my house... Not all the way atleast. She has an obssesion with the xbox...
Well... I don't really know what else to say. Dennis is leaving. He won't be here for my birthday but he'll be able to come home before he leaves for the beach (minus the water of course...). This just broke my heart since he won't be here for Camden's first birthday. I wish he didn't have such a demanding job :(.
I never made that cake btw... I need to though!
Camden is officially 6 months old as of 3 days ago. Poor baby started teething that same day. She slept for most of the morning and afternoon, slobbered on everything, and screamed the entire time she was awake. The next day she got her shots which just added to the problems. Then we took her to the pool the next day (yesterday) and she didn't enjoy it too much. I think it was the combination of the shots and teething that did her in. She ended up falling asleep after 15-20 minutes in the water. Of course that was AFTER I nursed her...
Other than that, she is now mobile which has to be the scariest thing ever. She gets into everything. Yes I am a bad mom and no I haven't baby proofed my house... Not all the way atleast. She has an obssesion with the xbox...
Well... I don't really know what else to say. Dennis is leaving. He won't be here for my birthday but he'll be able to come home before he leaves for the beach (minus the water of course...). This just broke my heart since he won't be here for Camden's first birthday. I wish he didn't have such a demanding job :(.
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