So I had a great visit in NC for the holidays. I ended up coming back a little earlier than I was planning on but it's ok. I was able to see a few of my friends and that was a lot of fun. I love to see where my friends have ended up. A few of them are married and have babies as well so it's always fun to have playdates!
But on that note, I'm feeling pretty confused about a lot of things right now. I wish I had someone to talk to about them... I'm making plans though. We'll see where it ends...
Monday, January 10, 2011
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Germany sucks in the winter.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! DID YOU KNOW CHRISTMAS IS LIKE 24 DAYS AWAY?!?!?! Let me repeat that, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
The good thing is that -most- of my Christmas cards are done. They haven't been sent out yet, but gosh darn it they're done! Dennis' Christmas box is almost complete minus all the fudge I made tonight. And the same goes for the single soldier that I'm "sponsoring." And maybe a few odds and ends but honestly, I've already spent about $50 on each so can't I just call it a day and not send them any more crap until next month?
Haha, oh yeah, I don't think I'll be buying Dennis a Christmas present this year. He called today and told me he spent about $500 on a tv, xbox, and two video games. I about died. That's kind of a lot of money to just go out and spend without saying a word. But I really can't say much since I spent more than I'm willing to admit on Black Friday... Yikes... Tis the season to spend spend spend! (and I'm still not done Christmas shopping! Booooo.)
The good news? I will hopefully be getting on a plane on Monday! Hopefully because it's a military flight (a.k.a. free) and EVERYONE wants to go home for the holidays. Or somewhere other than Germany. Because while Germany is gorgeous in the winter time with all the snow and what not. Not so much fun to drive in, shovel, or be outside in general for very long. I mean, yuuuck! I've heard from several people that this is supposed to be the coldest winter Germany has had in the past 100 years! The past few days we've been in the 20s. And the high for tomorrow? 29. TWENTY FRICKEN NINE! The low? 19. I want to die.
Let me just say that I'll be very excited to be somewhere where I'm not worried about dying every time I have to drive somewhere. Some place where I don't have to worry about 20 degree weather. Somewhere if, by some miracle, I do get snowed in, I won't be alone. Ahhh North Carolina here I come!
The good thing is that -most- of my Christmas cards are done. They haven't been sent out yet, but gosh darn it they're done! Dennis' Christmas box is almost complete minus all the fudge I made tonight. And the same goes for the single soldier that I'm "sponsoring." And maybe a few odds and ends but honestly, I've already spent about $50 on each so can't I just call it a day and not send them any more crap until next month?
Haha, oh yeah, I don't think I'll be buying Dennis a Christmas present this year. He called today and told me he spent about $500 on a tv, xbox, and two video games. I about died. That's kind of a lot of money to just go out and spend without saying a word. But I really can't say much since I spent more than I'm willing to admit on Black Friday... Yikes... Tis the season to spend spend spend! (and I'm still not done Christmas shopping! Booooo.)
The good news? I will hopefully be getting on a plane on Monday! Hopefully because it's a military flight (a.k.a. free) and EVERYONE wants to go home for the holidays. Or somewhere other than Germany. Because while Germany is gorgeous in the winter time with all the snow and what not. Not so much fun to drive in, shovel, or be outside in general for very long. I mean, yuuuck! I've heard from several people that this is supposed to be the coldest winter Germany has had in the past 100 years! The past few days we've been in the 20s. And the high for tomorrow? 29. TWENTY FRICKEN NINE! The low? 19. I want to die.
Let me just say that I'll be very excited to be somewhere where I'm not worried about dying every time I have to drive somewhere. Some place where I don't have to worry about 20 degree weather. Somewhere if, by some miracle, I do get snowed in, I won't be alone. Ahhh North Carolina here I come!
Monday, November 29, 2010
I'm kicking myself.
These past few days have been really rough on me. Well, the past week really. I'm ate up with jealousy and I'm having a hard time sleeping and my heart feels heavy and I have no appetite. Saturday and Sunday were by far the worst days of this deployment. It's hard to be in an argument with a loved one when they are so far away. Especially when there is limited communication.
Well, I don't really have any sort of solution for anyone on what to do in these sort of situations. I really don't want to put my business out there so finding someone to talk to about it other than your other half is really hard. I've talked more about what's going on with three of my friends here and every single one of them has gone through the same things we're going through now. Sometimes you just need to talk.
I talked to Dennis about everything that was bothering me yesterday. Waiting for a phone call that you're not sure if you'll even receive sucks. You don't want to sit at home but you don't want to leave just in case they do call. And when they do call, what do you say?
I know marriage isn't a forever kind of thing. I know that things change. I also know that there are boundaries that should never ever be crossed and both parties need to know the extent of those boundaries. Marriage is as complicated as you make it. And choose your words wisely.
I almost wish that we could go back to the old days where people were matched to benefit the family. That would make things a million times easier. But now people want to have freedom of everything so they want to marry out of love and because, well damn it, because they want to!
Marriage makes you realize that you can't just run away when you want to. You have to face your problems when they arise.
What do you think about marriage now versus marriage, lets say, 50 years ago?
Come with me, let me walk you through the life I currently live in.
Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven.
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but, nobody can take the blame of their own mistakes.
So what do you do when somebody lets you down?
And you want to say something but you can't because they're not around?
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain.
But they won't even admit that they were the one to blame.
Can somebody please just explain to me what happened to the way that we said we'd always be.
Because I don't know why I push through the pain that I got through. And I'm loosing hope.
Well, I don't really have any sort of solution for anyone on what to do in these sort of situations. I really don't want to put my business out there so finding someone to talk to about it other than your other half is really hard. I've talked more about what's going on with three of my friends here and every single one of them has gone through the same things we're going through now. Sometimes you just need to talk.
I talked to Dennis about everything that was bothering me yesterday. Waiting for a phone call that you're not sure if you'll even receive sucks. You don't want to sit at home but you don't want to leave just in case they do call. And when they do call, what do you say?
I know marriage isn't a forever kind of thing. I know that things change. I also know that there are boundaries that should never ever be crossed and both parties need to know the extent of those boundaries. Marriage is as complicated as you make it. And choose your words wisely.
I almost wish that we could go back to the old days where people were matched to benefit the family. That would make things a million times easier. But now people want to have freedom of everything so they want to marry out of love and because, well damn it, because they want to!
Marriage makes you realize that you can't just run away when you want to. You have to face your problems when they arise.
What do you think about marriage now versus marriage, lets say, 50 years ago?
Come with me, let me walk you through the life I currently live in.
Not a thing is forgotten, not a thing is forgiven.
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but, nobody can take the blame of their own mistakes.
So what do you do when somebody lets you down?
And you want to say something but you can't because they're not around?
Inside you think they know the extent of the pain.
But they won't even admit that they were the one to blame.
Can somebody please just explain to me what happened to the way that we said we'd always be.
Because I don't know why I push through the pain that I got through. And I'm loosing hope.
Friday, November 19, 2010
One year ago.
One year ago today... Dennis' grandmother had flown in from St. Louis and we were all relaxing waiting because Camden was due in 1 week and 1 day. I had all prepared her bedroom and clothes and had everything that I could possibly need for her arrival. Our bags were packed, grandma was here, and life was good. Dennis was supposed to go to safety day the next day in Manneheim and he was aloud to drive himself (they usually have to take the bus). But considering I only had a week left, he needed to be able to leave if something where to happen.
Something happened at 3 am on a Friday almost a year ago today. My water broke. And so the journey began. Our life would be forever changed after that day. I am so greatful for everything that I have. I have a beautiful little girl and a wonderful husband and I'm surrounded by love.
The only thing that could possibly make tomorrow perfect is if Dennis was able to share it.
I can't believe it's already been a year!
Something happened at 3 am on a Friday almost a year ago today. My water broke. And so the journey began. Our life would be forever changed after that day. I am so greatful for everything that I have. I have a beautiful little girl and a wonderful husband and I'm surrounded by love.
The only thing that could possibly make tomorrow perfect is if Dennis was able to share it.
I can't believe it's already been a year!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Camden, Camden, Camden.
I find it hilarious that every time I tell Camden "no" she usually brings me whatever she is getting into. I now have a stack of DVDs on my desk.
Camden will be 1 in less than a week! I'm so thrilled that this day is coming. I'm also nervous. I have been planning this day for the past 3 months. It's almost exciting as the day she was born. I plan on finally watching the birthing video. I haven't watched it because I'm scared of it, honestly! It's only sound though because my friend that was there was behind the curtain. Poor thing doesn't have any kids and probably won't now... Lol.
Last night was a bad night for us. Camden woke up 3 different times and I lost about 2 1/2 hours of sleep. She was screaming bloody murder for awhile and I tried rocking her back to sleep but that was no help. Since we are in the weaning process, I can't give her what I don't have. It's all very frustrating. I hope we have less nights like this because I feel as if I could fall asleep just about anywhere.
Well, we are off to get ready to do some shopping! We must get the last things for the big day!!!
Camden will be 1 in less than a week! I'm so thrilled that this day is coming. I'm also nervous. I have been planning this day for the past 3 months. It's almost exciting as the day she was born. I plan on finally watching the birthing video. I haven't watched it because I'm scared of it, honestly! It's only sound though because my friend that was there was behind the curtain. Poor thing doesn't have any kids and probably won't now... Lol.
Last night was a bad night for us. Camden woke up 3 different times and I lost about 2 1/2 hours of sleep. She was screaming bloody murder for awhile and I tried rocking her back to sleep but that was no help. Since we are in the weaning process, I can't give her what I don't have. It's all very frustrating. I hope we have less nights like this because I feel as if I could fall asleep just about anywhere.
Well, we are off to get ready to do some shopping! We must get the last things for the big day!!!
Monday, November 8, 2010
My sensible heart
Every little thing I do, I do for you.
With every little thing, I think a thought of you.
And I try so hard not to notice,
I try so hard not to care,
I try so hard not to know you're not here.
But I'm counting down the hours,
I'm counting down the days,
I try so hard not to show this side of me.
Jealous of the way they walk, the way they talk
'Cause I don't think they know just what they got.
I'm jealous of the way they look, the way they are.
When I just want to be the way we were.
And I try so hard not to notice,
I try so hard not to care,
I try so hard not to know that you're not here
But I'm counting down the hours,
I'm counting down the days,
I try so hard not to show this side of me.
Well I try so hard not to notice,
I try so hard not to care,
I try so hard not to know that you're not here.
But I'm counting down the hours,
I'm counting down the days,
I try so hard not to show this side of me.
This side of me
The Piano Song; Meiko
Sunday, November 7, 2010
You're a dandelion seed that flies through the air.
Today is a much better day than the last time I posted. I'm in week 3 of P90X and I'll tell you what- I'm starting to notice a difference. In my legs, my stomach, my arms. But especially my stomach. As I've already said, I'm not trying to loose weight, just tone. I'm already under my pre-prego weight. I thank nursing for that.
Speaking of nursing- we're almost completely weened! While I aboslutely LOVE nursing and suggest for every mother to try it because it's just that amazing- I'm kinda ready to be done. I love Camden and I love nursing it's just that I think we would love each other much more if we weren't doing it anymore. It also becomes pretty awkward when your child tries to assume position and lift your shirt... I have a very strict rule on parenting- when your child assumes position it's time to stop. That goes for nursing and potty training.
We have surpassed the 1 month mark and we have survived! I must admit that it is nice to watch whatever I want whenever I want to. Not having to share the bathroom is always a plus. Oh and sharing the bed is completely OUT the window, I'm a firm beleiver of sleeping in the middle of the bed, I don't even share with Roxy. Or Camden. I can do whatever I like whenever I like to. And I can eat whatever I want. And if that means I want to eat a whole bag of reeses in 2 days, well damn it, I'll do it! I'm trying to not think about how lonely it is to go to bed without saying "I love you, goodnight" to the person that I love with all my heart. I guess that's why I put off going to bed...
I still haven't got the car fixed. And I haven't enrolled in college yet. I'm a slacker. Tomorrow I'm treating myself to a haircut. Then Tuesday I have to take Roxy to a friend's house to see if she'll work well with her kids so that I can go home. I have found someone to take Roxy for the whole month I'll be gone even if that means that I need 2 people to do it. Yesssss! I guess Wednesday I'll have to do everything else that I've been putting off...
Oh another thing- I don't have to do everything in one day. I can space out 5 tasks in 5 days. And I love it.
We're getting ready for Camden's big first birthday. We have less than 2 weeks to go. I can't tell you how excited and nervous I am! She is such a smart child. She calls me momma, sees pictures of Dennis and says dada. She says dog. And I swear the other day she said "Hi Laura" to my close friend. She's running and playing and interacting and it's great. Oh and we love to shop. I think she loves it because everyone pays attention to her.
And something that I find very special is lunch after nap time. Today we ate lunch together at the table. I ate my sandwich and cheetos and drank my coke (I know... soooo healthy... whatever!) and she sat next to me eating chicken sticks and bananas and drinking her juice. We kept giggling at each other. She would point at something and say "that" and I would tell her what "that" was. Trees, daddy, Roxy, mommy, table, sandwich, couch, etc. Lunch time is my favorite time. Besides just after bathtime when we chase each other around the house. Or when she brings me a book and we read "Goodnight Moon." Did I mention how much I love being a mom?
For those of you that do wonder- Dennis is doing fine. He says it's hot there. He works and sleeps and that's basically it. I don't get to talk to him much anymore because of his job and the nature of it. The more he has to work the more worried I become. Not exactly for HIM but for the other guys that are there. You see, you have to have someone to bring our boys home... He's one of those guys. And my heart absolutely swells when I hear stories. Or I see someone at the hospital that I've seen in their pictures over there. I just want to walk up to them and give them a big hug. Because I know the last person they saw over there was probably Dennis. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it... I know this might not make sense to many people... I guess I just need to get it out.
It's cold and nasty in Germany. Not much fun for any of us really. Poor Roxy is tired of being kept cooped up in the house. But I honestly don't know what else to do for her because it's too cold and wet to take her out back and throw the ball. I won't be surprised if it snows soon. Yuck.
I'll be going home for the holidays. Or that's what it looks like right now. I'm excited.
More to come at a later time...
Speaking of nursing- we're almost completely weened! While I aboslutely LOVE nursing and suggest for every mother to try it because it's just that amazing- I'm kinda ready to be done. I love Camden and I love nursing it's just that I think we would love each other much more if we weren't doing it anymore. It also becomes pretty awkward when your child tries to assume position and lift your shirt... I have a very strict rule on parenting- when your child assumes position it's time to stop. That goes for nursing and potty training.
We have surpassed the 1 month mark and we have survived! I must admit that it is nice to watch whatever I want whenever I want to. Not having to share the bathroom is always a plus. Oh and sharing the bed is completely OUT the window, I'm a firm beleiver of sleeping in the middle of the bed, I don't even share with Roxy. Or Camden. I can do whatever I like whenever I like to. And I can eat whatever I want. And if that means I want to eat a whole bag of reeses in 2 days, well damn it, I'll do it! I'm trying to not think about how lonely it is to go to bed without saying "I love you, goodnight" to the person that I love with all my heart. I guess that's why I put off going to bed...
I still haven't got the car fixed. And I haven't enrolled in college yet. I'm a slacker. Tomorrow I'm treating myself to a haircut. Then Tuesday I have to take Roxy to a friend's house to see if she'll work well with her kids so that I can go home. I have found someone to take Roxy for the whole month I'll be gone even if that means that I need 2 people to do it. Yesssss! I guess Wednesday I'll have to do everything else that I've been putting off...
Oh another thing- I don't have to do everything in one day. I can space out 5 tasks in 5 days. And I love it.
We're getting ready for Camden's big first birthday. We have less than 2 weeks to go. I can't tell you how excited and nervous I am! She is such a smart child. She calls me momma, sees pictures of Dennis and says dada. She says dog. And I swear the other day she said "Hi Laura" to my close friend. She's running and playing and interacting and it's great. Oh and we love to shop. I think she loves it because everyone pays attention to her.
And something that I find very special is lunch after nap time. Today we ate lunch together at the table. I ate my sandwich and cheetos and drank my coke (I know... soooo healthy... whatever!) and she sat next to me eating chicken sticks and bananas and drinking her juice. We kept giggling at each other. She would point at something and say "that" and I would tell her what "that" was. Trees, daddy, Roxy, mommy, table, sandwich, couch, etc. Lunch time is my favorite time. Besides just after bathtime when we chase each other around the house. Or when she brings me a book and we read "Goodnight Moon." Did I mention how much I love being a mom?
For those of you that do wonder- Dennis is doing fine. He says it's hot there. He works and sleeps and that's basically it. I don't get to talk to him much anymore because of his job and the nature of it. The more he has to work the more worried I become. Not exactly for HIM but for the other guys that are there. You see, you have to have someone to bring our boys home... He's one of those guys. And my heart absolutely swells when I hear stories. Or I see someone at the hospital that I've seen in their pictures over there. I just want to walk up to them and give them a big hug. Because I know the last person they saw over there was probably Dennis. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it... I know this might not make sense to many people... I guess I just need to get it out.
It's cold and nasty in Germany. Not much fun for any of us really. Poor Roxy is tired of being kept cooped up in the house. But I honestly don't know what else to do for her because it's too cold and wet to take her out back and throw the ball. I won't be surprised if it snows soon. Yuck.
I'll be going home for the holidays. Or that's what it looks like right now. I'm excited.
More to come at a later time...
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