I love you- today just sucks.

The life of a military wife sucks. Plain and simple. But I'm honestly not sure what I would do if I married a man that had a 9 to 5 job. I would probably go insane. Dennis has been gone almost a month. What can possibly happen in a month? A lot of things. Camden learned to run, has 2 more teeth and getting 2 more (which brings the total to 8!), has been almost completely weened, knows "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands", "How big is Camden", Ring-around-the-rosy, and several other things that I'm sure I'm forgetting.

What else could possibly happen in 1 month? Well a ground could go out in your car making the lights on the inside not turn on including your tail lights. But of course not the break lights or the blinkers or the flashers. No, just the other important ones. You know, the ones that make you visible to people behind you in the dark?

What else could possibly happen in 1 month? Well only a handful of emails, conversations, and phone calls of course. I could probably count on 1 hand how many phone calls I've recieved that have been longer than the great 5 minutes. But that must be far better than hand written letters, right?

What else could happen in 1 month? Well, countless sleepless nights, a few new decorations, shopping therapy, and good friends. Also the poisoness friends have been removed and a few others that are just looking for an easy hookup. Yes, I said it- easy hookup. Because we all know that military wives are like single wives (or mothers... depending on the job, and sorry guys but "mother" does come before "wife"). Those "friends" have also been removed because they are just as poisoness as the Debby Downers.

You might sit back and think "wow she sounds kind of bitter." Why yes, yes in fact I am bitter. I'm bitter because I'm tired of having to play nice with people I don't like. I'm bitter because I just want my hands to be warmed by my husband. I'm bitter because I wouldn't mind someone sleeping next to me that isn't covered in fur. Thank you very much. I also wouldn't mind being around the people that I love most and who I can't be around for very long because Germany is in fact my home now. If he was home, I wouldn't have to see another soul.

If I had known that growing up was going to suck this much I probably wouldn't have grown up. If I had known that I would have to single handedly take on the financial world without consulting with someone that probably has a better view on things (and is the main bread winner...) then I wouldn't have grown up. Almost 2 years of marriage doesn't make it easier to make decisions on money. If I had known that I would have to raise a child and take care of a dog, OH AND myself (please lets not forget to brush your hair and your teeth...) then I probably wouldn't have grown up. If I had known that I would have to figure out if the problem with the car was caused by a fuse or just a burnt out light- but oh wait it's a far worse problem than that! Then I probably wouldn't have grown up. If I had known that I would have to make arrangements for the dog, the car, the truck, the kid, MYSELF, the house, the money, oh and basically anything else that you could possibly think of- I PROBABLY wouldn't have grown up. This includes all of the following holidays to include Halloween, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, Easter, and any other fricken holiday that you could possibly throw in there. And making sure that you start traditions that you can keep up with in the following years because now you have a child and traditions are important for families... Yeah I probably wouldn't have grown up.

I really wouldn't mind banging my head against the wall right about now. Fort Minor's song "Where'd You Go" comes to mind when I'm thinking about all of these things. With good reason of course...

You could not imagine how hard it is to act like everything is ok when it, in deed, is not all ok. I love you and I miss you- today just sucks.

Oh and a few days ago I was looking at property in Kill Devil Hills and Hatteris. I found the perfect little house ever with a view of the beach. Ahhhhhh....